Relationships v.3.0

 2/17/10

One of my two daughters has just acquired a boyfriend. This has been a source of amused speculation and chit chat at work where everyone has known her since birth. As I am known for my strong opinions my colleagues have asked me what I would do in the event that this became serious and I did not like the young man. I told them that I would tell my daughter all my reservations thoroughly and one time only. I would do this not so I could say "I told you so." later if things went badly but because I wouldn't want her coming back to me asking me why I hadn't shared my doubts with her, that old "Where were you when I needed you?" thing. You can't always be popular as a friend or a parent, but I do believe it is your duty to be honest if for no other reason than to cover your butt because the chances they will heed your warnings at that "Love's first blush" time are slim.

We all know that Love is not only blind but makes fools of us all. We have all made bad choices in this area. The best you can hope for in these situations is that the broken heart will heal quickly and that there wasn't too much collateral damage that maybe can't be repaired.

It is the collateral damage of which I wish to speak. Once again my guess is we have all been in this place at one time or another. You have just started a relationship with someone outside your regular circle of friends. There are myriad reasons why all of a sudden there seems to be an insufficient amount of you to go around.

Maybe your new squeeze doesn’t like your crowd, or vice versa. Maybe you are hearing things like, “If you loved me as much as I love you, you would… fill in the blank with anything from “you would spend all your time with me.” to “you would find some new friends.” You get the picture. Or maybe you do just want to spend every waking minute together, but trust me, that desire isn’t going to last forever.

So, I would also caution my daughter to take care with the friends she had before the boyfriend, not to take them for granted. After all, it is your friends who you will need to help you pick up the proverbial pieces if things don’t go well. And most importantly, I believe life is truly bleak without one’s friends.

So here is what I think. As stated previously, "Love makes fools of us all." But be aware, not everyone "suffers fools gladly."

That damn straw...!!

 2/9/10

Well my friends, what a week I am having and it is only Tuesday! Already I have issued not one, not two but three ultimatums in defense of myself. I don't know what the final drop in the titration was that turned my liquid feelings of discomfort to rock solid knowledge that I was being totally taken for granted, used and abused, but it must have been a doozy.

Two of these incidents are work related and frankly aren't causing me much pain now that I have had my say. After 40 years in the workplace I've pretty much seen it all.

One of these incidents is personal in nature. I still consider it unresolved so the pain factor cannot be quantified. A person I have dearly loved for over 12 years and lavished much upon in gifts, material and more important by far spiritual, has mistaken my kindness for weakness for maybe the last time. We shall see.

My mother gave me lots of advice, some good, some hilariously bad and all well meant. Her favorite saying (used mostly when referring to relationships with the opposite sex, but also for more general situations) was, "Cyr, never be anyone's doormat!" If she is looking down on me from heaven she is rejoicing I am sure in the fact that her baby girl has dusted off the footprints and stood up for herself.

Here is what I think. While it is true that you can be your own worst enemy, make double damn sure you are your own best ally!